Dear Ingrid,
I just joined a gym, and I love everything about it except for one thing -- the ladies' locker room.
I am modest so I use the private changing rooms when getting dressed. There are some women who feel very comfortable walking around in various stages of undress. Not only are they naked, they don't think twice about bending over to get into their lockers, or standing topless while blow-drying their hair.
In a place full of mirrors, seeing all this is difficult to avoid. I don't want to stop using the locker room because it's convenient. Is there anything I can do, or must I put up with the peep shows?
-- MISS MODESTY IN PRINCETON, N.J.
Dear Miss Modesty,
I went to an all women’s Catholic college. One morning I went to pick up a homework assignment from a girl in college, and she answered her door topless as she was getting dressed for the day. I remember feeling extremely awkward and uncomfortable., looking down or away the whole time while trying to discuss the homework. I too used to feel bad seeing naked women...
One solution is to simply look away and keep your head down. Another is to complain to management. Another is to stop going to that gym. But all of these kinds of solutions ignore the clear opportunity before you to grow and expand your consciousness and maturity. For that reason, I do not recommend them as solutions.
Instead, I ask you to reflect on why you feel bad or unsettled seeing a naked woman’s body. You say the experience is like a peep-show...and yet clearly there nothing sexual going on in that locker room. Nor is it “naughty” for women to get changed. So...what does it mean for you to see someone naked? Answer that question honestly on paper. Another question to consider - who or what taught you this meaning of nudity? And are they right? Also - why might they have taught that to you - what did they get out of it? And one more question - what do you think those women who are happily getting dressed in front of other think about nudity?
Once you’ve done some serious contemplation on the matter, I ask that you do the following. Find an anatomy book image of a woman, as well as an art book that features great paintings of naked women. Take 10 minutes (go ahead and set the timer) and look at naked woman. What do you see now? Do you see things any differently? My hope is that you can find a way to see that nudity does not imply that something sexual is happening. The two are not inextricably linked.
Much love,
Ingrid
